Phone Sex

Now, I feel like I should begin this post by establishing that I am not advocating hoax calling the police. The law enforcement of this country has more than enough to deal with given the depressing deterioration of our society into petty crime and pathetic angst driven vandalism.

However, when a prank of this magnitude and sheer time-wasting absurdity comes to my attention, I cannot help but take note.

The police had launched an extensive search to discover the operator of an unregistered pay-as-you-go mobile phone who had made nearly 6,000 calls to the police. Eventually, they discovered the perpetrator to be Gareth Lloyd, 49, who acts as a carer for his 84 year-old mother. And every single one of the calls, made at all times of the day or night and in pretty much every state of inebriation from sober to incomprehensible, were to inform the police that his penis was stuck in household item

The phone calls, which were made between February and April of this year, are said to have called a great deal of distress and anxiety in the ranks of the brave men and women who answer daily calls reporting extreme violence and other such crimes.

Because there is nothing more upsetting than a creepy man talking about his penis.

Mr Lloyd, however, has avoided a jail sentence after pleading guilty and professing his remorse at the problems that his actions have caused. He was given a 12 month community order and told to pay £85 of fines.

A small price to pay for the countless hours of his life that he inevitably wasted with the whole affair. That being said, someone who finds this level of mind-numbing stupidity amusing probably has little of interest happening in his life. It almost makes me feel pity for him.

Almost.